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We walked in to the big, double doors, which were open wide. Dad went to the desk, and told the hostess we had reservations. I always wrinkle my nose when I hear that word, used in that way. In the white world, it means privilege and special status, but in my grandfather’s world, it means land the U.S. Government thought was worthless, and that was where they herded the tribal peoples. Sorry, I just can’t ignore how I feel when I hear the word.The hostess showed us to a table. A waiter in boots, jeans, and cowboy hat brought us menus. I ordered a small sirloin, hoping that I could eat it without spilling on my dress. Dad is always sensible about what he eats, and he had the Filet Mignon. I ordered mine Medium Well, hoping that would keep it from being too juicy. Dad isn’t embarrassed to put a napkin in his collar and cover the whole front of his shirt, so he ordered his Medium, like always.There was a big western band tuning up on the stage. When we got our meals, the band was being. Her thoughts were that if she wanted to keep me around, she had to keep me pleased and sated.She wanted to make me a permanent fixture in her life and tie me down to her. My refusal of her money for shopping or her offering to buy me real expensive gifts just made her more desperate, thinking I was already looking up some younger girl to be mine. I heard her whispering one night if it was actually a racial problem, with her being a rich white woman. I had to laugh to myself at that.That wasn't the case really. I was just brought up knowing that it was the man who was supposed to provide for their woman and even though I wasn't bothered about her being richer and more successful than me in the relationship, it just wasn't in my nature to accept money freely."Listen Laura. You don't have to give me money or gifts to keep me round. If you want me around, I'll be around. When you want me gone, I'll leave. Enough said." I had told her once.It didn't reassure her one bit. She didn't want.
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